I recently had an amazing session with the very talented Life Coach Ellen White. She tapped into something that I’ve known for about 3 years now – I’m at a crossroads in my life, and it’s time for me to make some serious decisions.
She also brought up an interesting observation that I felt instantly resistant to. She said that I’m not the “Driven” type.
Wait, what!?!? Of course I’m driven. I’ve worked hard for everything I have in my life. I’ve always been driven, I make stuff happen, I’m not afraid to take on new things, I have high standards, and I usually make decisions very quickly. I obviously have many other traits, and being driven doesn’t necessarily define who I am (although I’m now realizing how comforting it’s been to hang my hat on), but suffice to say I felt a little defensive when I heard that.
Then she said to me, “being driven has gotten you to where you are now, but it’s not taking your life to the next level”. Hmmmm, maybe she has a point. I’ve done pretty well for myself but over the past 3 years I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and working my ass off only to move an inch. What Ellen was telling me was that I’ve hit the ceiling to where being “driven” can take me, and now it’s time for me to become a different human being in order for me to take my life to the next level. I know that sounds drastic, but the message I was being sent was that I need to start living more authentically. She said that is where I need to lead from. The drive will always be there, but it needs to be powered by something else.
So that sounds great…if I start living authentically then everything I want in the next stage of my life will fall nicely into place. Right?
I don’t know if that is exactly what it means, but I’ve definitely started thinking about what living authentically looks like. It’s interesting to look at the success of my Retreat Center Anamaya in this light, as our entire mission is about creating a life changing experience for our guests and transforming their lives on a cellular level. Of course I’ve been “driven” to make it one the best places in the world to experience, but my overall goal is to create something that will nourish and transform people. My drive is fuelled by being true to what I believe in.
Since my session with Ellen I’ve been Googling what it means to live authentically to see if I can find something specific that speaks to me, or can help to guide me through this new chapter. I’m reading a lot about the higher self and being true to that part of youself. Some believe it’s about owning your strengths and weaknesses, being genuine, and having self-awareness. The most common descriptions I see are “being real” and “true to yourself”.
All of that rings true but I also think it’s about being true to who you are deep down, leading from your core values, and recognizing when the ego is taking over.
So now I’m confused. Haven’t I been living an authentic life? My amazing husband and I spoke extensively about this after I told him about my session, and his take on it is that I’ve been “managing” everything over the past few years. Managing our daughter’s life, managing him, managing my businesses, managing what we’re having for dinner, managing our bills, managing our friends, managing my staff, managing, managing, managing. All this managing hasn’t allowed me to tune into my authentic self and listen to where it wants to take me. However, he also said that with the blogging I’ve been doing over the past couple months he sees and feels me tapping into more of my authenticity. Maybe this blog is the first step to living authentically. It’s allowing me to be real and honest, and when I write I lead with my values and try to check my ego at the door.
I need to manage less. I need to make decisions based on who I am and what I believe in. I need to learn to allow my authenticity to drive me, and not my need to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of, or my desire to build an empire. I still believe that there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to take care of things or build something significant, but I now see that the motivation behind it needs to shift in order for me to get past this hurdle and start the next phase of my life.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – C.G. Jung